This Might Take Awhile
by Yanna3000
Summary: When Grace inquires about Kim's recent pregnancy, she has no choice but to dish. Every. Last. Detail. So what is it that really happened between Jack and Kim? Read this story, entirely in flashback form, and find out.
1. Chapter 1

"Jack," I say "Come take the baby, please."

He looks over from the stove and smiles as he reaches for the baby. He holds her gently but keeps a strong grip, as if afraid to let her go. He starts to play with her nose and she giggles and tries to fend him off with her tiny hands. He looks up at me .

"You gonna go wash off? You've got spit up all over you." He says. I shrug. These past few months I'd been covered in spit-up and had learned it was inevitable and just left it there. Leona was sure to do it again, no point in wiping it off. He takes her to the living room and puts her in her toy swing set and rocks her back and forth while she smiles. She has his hair, a sweet almondy brown with natural streaks of yellow. But she has my green eyes. She's a peculiar looking baby, but it gives her _character._ That's what Jack said.

"Dada? Dada?" Jacks says while he rocks her back and forth, periodically cooing her name. She just giggled lightly and shook her head.

"Ma-Ma." she replies and points to me in the doorway. Jacks eyes get big and he shoots up from his crouching position. OhMy Gosh she said my name!

"She said MAMA! Oh my – Where's my phone!?" he says as he races to the kitchen.

"On the dresser!"I respond as I go to Leona.

"Ma-Ma. Ma-ma, Ma-ma!" She repeats. Jack emerges into the living room armed and ready.

"Say it again, Leona!" he pleads holding his camera up.

"Ma-ma!" She yells as hard as she can muster. Jack laughs heartily.

"Can you say Da-Da? Da-Da, Leona?" She shakes her head and starts to bounce up and down in her swing. I laugh.

"Push." She says to me. "Mama, push." I obey and slowly push her she laughs and thumps her hands on the platter around the swing. Jack crouches next to me a puzzled expression on his face.

"I wonder why she won't say Daddy." He says to me kicking his legs out from beneath him and residing on the rug. I pat his shoulder.

"I'm sure its nothing serious. She's just not ready." I say, trying to console him.

"Hmmm..." He replies vaguely.

"She just probably can't say D's yet. I've heard about that. Babies have to develop their senses. It takes time. Don't worry she'll come along." I counter. He shrugs and flips his phone closed with an exasperated sigh.

"Hey," I say "Let's bring Leona to the Dojo!" Jack whips around when I say Dojo. He hadn't practiced Karate in months and I knew just smelling the Dojo would make him feel better. He nods.

"Yeah. Go wash up and I'll put some clothes on Leona." He says rushing over to her and lifting her gingerly out of her swing. After we're all adequately cleaned we pile into the car. Jack checks and double checks and then triple checks Leona's seat. Until the point where Leona is trying to push him away.

"Ok! Ok! Daddy just wants to make sure you're safe!" He laughs, circles around the car hops into the drivers seat and revs up the engine. When we reach the dojo its barren of all people except Rudy.

"Jack?! Oh my goodness!" he rushes over to Jack and swallows him in a hug. I laugh while Jack fake-chokes. Baby Leona giggles.

"Kim!" Rudy says as I hand the baby over to bear hug.

"Hey Rudy!" I reply when he finally releases me.

"We've really missed you guys..." Rudy says his voice faltering. Jack replies with a "You, too." and proceeds to ask where the others are. Rudy directs towards Falafel Phil's across the courtyard. He escorts us over whil Jack plays with Leona's fingers. Her cheeks blush and giggles.

"Jack. Kim?! Milton exclaim when we enter the restaurant. Everyone greets us with smiles. They were all here; Jerry, Mika, Eddie, Milton, and Julie. They all squealed with delight as Leona got passed around. I desperately wanted to take her back in my arms, she looked scared. I looked over to Mika as she hold her son bouncing him on her lap. She looks up and sees me staring, she smiles and hands Azan to me. He had grown alot and had his father's black curly hair and Mika's olive- orange skin.

"Mama. Want Mama." Leona pleads as she tries to wiggle out of Jerry's unfamiliar grasp. Julie reaches for Leona.

"Don't worry Aunt Julie and Uncle Milton have you." Julie cooes as her and Milton fawn over the baby. Jack and I scoot into the booth and catch up with everyone.

"So, Jack," Jerry starts. Mika and I groan. She looks at me and rolls her eyes. I nod and laugh. Neither of us like the beginning of this. "You busy tonight? Me and the boys were gonna have small get together. You know watch the game, chill and stuff." He says Jack shoots me a look. He'd been trapped in the house with me for five months he deserved some time alone. I nod and he pumps his fist.

"I'm totally down!" He says high-fiving Eddie. Julie and Mika volunteer to stay with me and the baby for the night.

"Sure. I don't wanna be all alone." I say reaching for my child from Eddie, as I give Azan back to Mika. He hands her over and I begin to bounce her up and down on my lap.

"Mama's here." I sing-song as Leona whimpers. All these new faces had scared her. Me and Jack stayed for hours until about an hour before the game. Jack with a quick kiss goodbye for me and Leona, went off with the boys leaving me with Julie.

"I invited Grace. I hope that's ok?" she inquires digging through her purse for something. I shake it off.

"Its fine." I straddle Leona to my hip and strap the baby bag over my shoulder. We head to my car and stop at Walgreens for some junkfood and rom-coms from Redbox. Grace arrives at the house the same time we do.

"Hey, Girly!" She yells as she slams her car door. I wave th e best I can and instruct Julie on which key to use for the lock.

"Its the blue one, Julie. Now Julie, is that blue? No. THAT is sea green. Yes, that key." I say. Julie groans twists the key in the lock and pushes the door open. Grace walks in first toting her own bagged goods she sets everything out on the table whilst finger-combing her hair into a lazy ponytail.

"There." she says feeling accomplished as she brings a platter of soda, cheese crunchies, and brownies. Julie sticks in _Sleepless in Seattle_ periodically stopping when Leona started to have a fit or need to be fed. Eventually it was about 10:00, Grace, droopy-eyed, slugged her legs to a dining room chair and sat down across from me. Julie and Mika do the same. Azan had long since fallen asleep and was now drooling on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, guys. She's a handful." I apologize. They wave it off.

"You know, Kim," Grace starts. " You never told me HOW it happened."

_What?_

"How _what_ happened, Grace?" I inquire of her vague statement.

"The baby."

"Well, Grace, when a man and woman love each-other VERY much-"

Julie and Mika snort.

"Oh come on, Kim! DETAILS." Grace pushes. She wants to know? Fine. I'll tell her.

"Alright. But this might take awhile."


	2. It'll Be Fine, Kim

"It started in the dojo. That's about as far back as I can remember. He was there practicing his roundhouse, throwing in some powerful "kea's" every now and then for effect. Once he completed his routine I applauded. He whipped around, startled, must have not seen me…" I begin. Julie and Grace nod hungrily. I go on.

(Present Tense)

"You've improved. That's good. Your roundhouse is totally kick-ass." I compliment, leaning against the wide doorframe. He smiles, shrugs, and walks over to the bench to put his socks and shoes back on.

"I just wanted to get in a little practice." He counters brushing off the compliment. I snort.

"Alright. Whatever you say." I slide onto the red bench beside him as he leans over to untangle his unruly laces. He should really get some Velcro strapped shoes. He's never been too great with knots. I chuckle to myself, to Jack's embarrassment, as he painstakingly tries to loop the bunny through the hole.

"Here," I say deciding to help him. I kneel on the worn-out carpet in front of him and undo the knot he'd created.

"Thanks, Kimmy…" He sighs with relief. Finally the bunny gets through the hole. Jack stands and with a kiss on the cheek, leaves.

"Bye, Kimmy. Thanks again." I feel my face grow red as I sit there and fiddle with my fingers. _He kissed me! Oh my gosh!_

" 'Bye, _Kimmy!' _Oh that's rich. Looks like Jackie has a _crush_" Says a familiar nasal voice.

_Frank._

"Get outta here, Frank. You know you're banned from this dojo." I say brushing myself off and approaching him. He puffs up his chest as if he's trying to blow me over. I laugh.

"I don't see anyone her who can _make me_. " He says, sarcastically looking about the dojo. I furrow my brow. What did he just say? He proceeds to spit on me. I knee him in his gut and pull his wrist and tuck it behind his back with gruff force. He shrieks out in pain. I let him loose and while he recovers, kick him in his behind causing him to double over and burn his forehead on the carpet.

"Now do you see someone who can make you?" I ask rhetorically as he tries to escape. He murmurs swears under his breath. I wave him off and turn to get my jacket.

"Crazy BITCH!" he yells with all the force he can. I whip my body around towards him he's standing, well, limping, now. A smug grin cracks across his face, he'd gotten to me.

"_What _did you just say?" someone says. It's Jack. He swaggers behind Frank and before the orange- haired nuisance has a chance, is locked in Jack's fatal chokehold. He gasps for air as Jack press his forearm farther into his throat. But Jack is a good person and lets him go before Frank faints. He collapses onto his knees holding his neck with both hands, coughing and gasping. Jack nudges me with his finger.

"C'mon. We gotta go before Joan comes on her patrol." He pulls me out of the dojo leaving Frank in the middle of the mat. I look back once more and almost gasp at the expression on his face. Pure Hatred. He looked as if he could've killed the both of us. I ran to catch up with Jack, trying to shake the disturbing image from my head. It's Frank. What's the worst he can do?

(Present Day)

"I still don't know what he's planning. It gotta be something terrible though. I haven't seen him in like 7 months. Whatever he's planning, its gonna be big." I finish. Grace and Julie look up at me.

"It'll be fine…." Julie says trying to console me. Grace nods in agreement.

"Look guys, I'm really sleepy. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow." Grace nods somberly and heads to couch to sleep.

_It'll be fine, Kim…._

_It'll be fine…._


	3. This Night Will Never Be Forgotten

"He called me a _bitch,_Jack! " I exclaim, chomping hungrily on a falafel. Jack nods solemnly, not sure how to respond. He knows that I'm sensitive to that word. Frank talks a lot of crap, but calling me the B-word? Too far. That word just stings, and I'm not even a mushy person. Its just that searing venom that comes along with cursing. When doing it or saying them a lot, they begin to lose meaning, you know? Like when your parents are really angry and they say the s-word? It shocked you right? It sounded so odd coming from your mother's mouth, didn't it? Except Frank isn't my mother and he doesn't curse, hearing him say such a vulgar word and then to see that it was directed towards me was not only hurtful but surprising. Frank is a deadbeat whose just angry because he's stuck being a crotchety, ginger-haired, nuisance his entire life. So why, when he said it, did it hurt so bad?

"Well, you're not. Okay? " Jack says, reaching across the table to touch my hand. He tries do hard to protect everyone and make everyone happy, I often wonder how. I run my other hand, fully equipped with dainty fingers, through my hair and tuck it behind my ear. He sighs, gives my hand a squeeze and lets go. I sigh. Jack had easily become my best friend and sometimes, protector. Sure, I was a black belt and could handle myself pretty well, but Jack is a bit of a misogynist. But if that means that I'll always have someone to open doors me and pull out my chair at Sunday Dinner, then I don't mind. He just cared a lot about me so he was ultra-protective and often scared off prospective boyfriends.

"I know...I know..." I trail off looking at my felafel ball longingly. He sighs and lowers his eyes to the table. His eyes widen and he looks up at me.

The IDEA face. It must have been a great idea because he hopped off the plastic red seat and practically leaped out the door.

"The hell, Jack!" I call after him, but all I get is whole bunch of his back and no response.

Well, I've been abandoned. I fling my falafel ball at the wall with a satisfying squish and storm out of the restaurant in search of Jack.

"I'm sorry Kim. I haven't seen Jack since he left for school this morning," she pauses " ,and if I he does come back, I wouldn't know. My husband and I are leaving for the week. "

I groan.

"Thank you, Ms. Brewer. We were eating and he just ran off. Have a nice time on your trip! "

She shrugs with a knowing smile.

"Boys will be boys. " she says before waving me off and closing the door. I walk back to my bike straddle the seat and secure my helmet while revving up the engine. Jack had turned me on to motorcycles one night when he drove me home...

" _Slow down! You're scaring me! " I scream over the blood rushing to my ears. Jack shakes his head._

" _Nah, Kim! This is the fun part! Calm down, and just let it take you! " He says back._

_Let it take you? I pause for a second before making my decision._

"_Challenge Accepted! " I yell as I slowly let go of his waist._

" _What! Kim , I didn't mean it literally! " He throws over his shoulder, trying to keep his gaze on the road. I ignore him and let it take me. The wind, the rush, the passion, the flashing lights that passed in flickers, blurs and bursts. I had never felt so …._alive._And I got to spend one of the most fulfilling, exciting, and eye-opening nights of my life with my best friend._

" _You should really try this sometime! Its Amazing! " I yell lowers my self back on to Jack's back. His body relaxes as he feels my arm lace around his abdomen_

" _I don't know. Maybe its just you. " He says. I smile. Did he just call me amazing? _

_I hold onto him tighter._

I reached the mall in barely anytime and threw my helmet over the handle.

"Nice bike. " Someone comments behind me. I turn swiftly only to see a boy who looked like a delicious mixture of Taylor Lautner and George Clooney. He straightened his motor- leather jacket. I squint my eyes, and shake my hair out.

"You ride? " I ask cocking my head to the left flirtatiously. He laughs amd scratches the back of his head.

"Maybe a little. " He says assertively, eyeing me up and down. " Have been since my dad taught me when I was seven."

I raise an eyebrow " So you're what? A motorcycle expert? You probably ride something super fruity like a mo-ped " I tease .

He chuckles and runs his hands through his hair. " I don't know. See for yourself. " He points to his right I gasp.

"Is that- "

" An Ecosse Titanium Series RR? Yes , it is. " He says smugly. I gape at him and back at the bike " I'd like to call myself a sexpert,if anything. " He said.

I laughed, and stood closer to examine the bike. I had never been this close to one . They cost about $275,000.00. " May I? " I ask, looking back at him. He nods.

"Go crazy. "

Giddily, I straddle the seat and place his helmet over my head. " How do I look? " I say flipping my hair underneath the heavy head protector. He nods with a grin.

"Sexy. "

I'm caught off guard. No one had ever said that to me before. I take off the helmet and extend a hand.

" I'm Kim. Kim Crawford. "

"You're that badass chick who beat the shit outta Frank? You're my hero!" He exclaims "I'm Ryder Sachar. " He says taking my hand. There's a lingering pause. Quickly I get off the bike and hand him his helmet.

"Thanks for letting me test your ride. " I say walking towards the Mall Entrance.

"Kim! Wait! Can I have your number? Maybe we could go out sometime. " He calls after me. I whip around a smile on my face as I take out the sharpie I keep in my back pocket. I write the digits on his hand with a winky face underneath.

"See you later, _Ryder. "_

"Bye, _Kim. _"

…

I throw my jacket over one of the many hooks in the dojo. And look arund into the darkness. I awkwardly feel for the light switch. Finally after rubbing my hand up and down the wall, the light flicks on.

"Surprise! " screeches into my ear.

"Holy SHIT! Are you trying to kill me, Jack? " I scream at him as he stands on the Wasabi logo, arms full of confetti, his hair adorned with a party hat. His face falls and the people in the room move about their business, socializing and drinking what I hope is juice. He walks over to me.

"I know what Frank said really upset you, " He said looking at me with concern. " I thought a party would help. "

Now I feel bad. He did all this for me, and what do I do? Crap on his parade.

"You're mad. Okay, I'll call it off. " He says starting to walk away with a tinge of hurt.

"What? No! I love it! Thank you! No one has ever done something this nice for me. " He turns back around, smiling like an idiot. I give him a hug , I feel his hands on my waist as I tighten my grasp on the back of his neck. As I pull away, I give him kiss on the cheek and smile at him.

"Thanks again, Jack. "

"Anything for you. "

…

The party continues without a hitch. I continue to sip the punch as I dance with my friends. I look around protecting my eyes from the glare of the party lights . In the corner of my eye I see a couple making out hardcore. They might has well have been dry humping on the dance-floor. Suddenly the guy pulls away and I realize who he is, to my horror.

_Jack. _

The girl bites her lip as he leans in to kiss her neck. And I realize why the girl is so familiar.

_Lindsay._

Jerry's Lindsay. Lindsay who is dating my good friend, Lindsay. I storm over and pull him off of her, raging.

"Are you two FUCKING crazy?! " I shout. Jack tries to interject. "You're dating Jerry, you whore! " I direct towards Lindsay, not caring if I hurt her feelings. She looks at her feet. I turn to Jack " And YOU! Jerry is your best friend and you're practically boning his girlfriend! If he finds out... "

"He won't! Please, Kim! I didn't even know it was her! " Lindsay looks up with a tinge of hurt. I look at her, feeling no sympathy for either of them. He's asking me to lie to Jerry. I rip his hand from my forearm.

"Don't touch me! You just asked me to lie for you, you asswipe! "

His eyes plead with me. I look away, burning with anger. I turn to Lindsay.

"Go home, Lindsay. If I see you so much as look at a boy who isn't Jerry, I'll kick your ass. You understand? " She nods and shuffles off out the door and down the corridor.

"Kim, I'm sor- "

"I don't even want to see your face right now. Go outside and wait for me. We're leaving. "

There's a pause and I can feel him sigh behind me before he too walks out. I search for Milton. Once I find him I instruct him to end the party soon and close up shop. He agrees and continues to party. I walk over to the punch bowl and take a cup. And then another, and then another. After quenching my thirst I walk to the hook grab my jacket. Someone knock into me.

"PARTY'S OVER. THE COPS ARE HERE! " The person yells. The party ends with a frenzy and everyone runs out screaming, some naked, most clothed. Fearful I run with them to my motorcycle. And I scream once I realize its gone. Someone stole my baby! But I get over it quickly when I realize that leaving this party and not getting arrested was more important

"Come on, idiot ! The cops are here! " I shout over the sirens. Jack hops to his feet . I grab his hand and we start running towards Jack's house at full speed. Once we can no longer hear sirens and screaming we slow into a walk. There's a silence that had once been filled with our feet slapping against the pavement. I snatch my hand back and begin to walk faster.

"Kim! Kim, wait! " He calls as he jogs up to me.

"Save it, Jack. I can't believe you. " I say crossing my arms as I think of ways to get my bike back.

"I didn't even know it was her! I swear! " He says in his defense. I stop in my tracks.

"Okay! So say you didn't know it was … Lindsay. Do you really think that kind of behavior is okay? " I ask , sternly staring at him. He looks at his feet.

" No... But honestly Kim I don't know what happened... I don't act like that. " He trails off sadly. I look away.

"I know, Jack. I know... " I say quietly. For a second I think I feel something wet on my head but brush it off and continue to walk. Suddenly, its pouring. Jack and I pick up the pace and high tail it to his house, nearly falling on our asses on multiple occasions. Finally, out of breath and laughing, we reach Jack's house. I giggle, my laughter finally stopping when he step onto his porch. He looks at me and smiles.

"I had a lot of fun tonight. " He says looking at me intently. I laugh and look away.

"Me too, minus the you kissing Lindsay and my bike being stolen part. "

We chuckle in unison before there's a pause. Suddenly, Jack is only an inch away from me. He closes his eyes leans down and...

….

"Oh, come on, Kim! You can't stop at the juicy part! " Julie exclaims, frustrated. Grace nods along and shoves more stale popcorn from the previous night into her mouth. I roll my eyes, laugh and continue, holding onto Leona still, I gave her to Julie.

…

kisses me. At first its soft but progressively gets rougher as we stumble into his house, to the point where he's feeling me up.

"Kim, I want you. " He whispers kissing my neck.

"I want you, too " I say.

…

I awake in an unfamiliar bed.

Naked.

I shrill at the top of my lungs.

"Kim! Kim! What's wrong? What happened? " Jack says sitting up beside me. I gasp and cover my chest. Jack looks at me confused as to why I'm naked. He looks down and raises his eyebrows, realizing he is too. Now we're both screaming, I think, but he had the arms of a god and they were more than a little distracting.

"Huh? " I say, turning my attention from his muscles to his face.

"What did we do last night? "  
…

"Each other, apparently, " Grace snorts at her own joke and I roll my eyes.

"Do you want me to finish or not? " I question, raising an eyebrow. Grace nods, signaling for me to go on.

…

"Oh, gee, Jack, I don't know. Maybe we played strip scrabble. " I comment sarcastically, devising a plan in my head already. I feel Jack's eyes bore into the back of my head.

"What? " I ask, hoping it'll end the awkward silence.

"I don't have any condoms. That means that we didn't... " He pauses.

"Oh, my god. " I realize what he's talking about soon after the word " condoms " enters the conversation. _No. Jack and I did not have sex. That didn't happen. _I say it over and over in my head, until I can believe it myself.

I groan and get out of the bed, already beginning to forget the situation. I reach down for the pants I was wearing the night before and search a drawer until I find a raggedy, oversized Howard sweatshirt. Jack gives me a questioning look.

"Well, I'm not coming home in the shirt I wore yesterday. "

"Wait, you're going home? " I roll my eyes.

"Unfortunately, Jack, your house is not Narnia. The rest of the world continues to revolve even when we're in here. " I sling my purse over my shoulder and turn back to look at him.

"We should forget this ever happened. "

It's not a question, it's a declaration.

"Forgotten. " He states simply, staring right back at me. I nod, turn the doorknob, and, eventually, exit the house where Lord knows what had happened the night before.

But it wasn't forgotten.

_I would never forget._


	4. So you kissed my girl!

Over the next few weeks, a creeping suspicion was coming over me that the worst of the worst had happened the night of the party that some people were _still_ buzzing about. Every time someone congratulated me on being a part of the greatest party in the history of Seaford High, my body tensed and my mind scrambled.

One morning I awoke to the pleasantry of throwing up all over my bedroom carpet. I also found my mood was less stable than a newborn Bambi on stilts. One moment I was laughing my ass off, and the next I was crying in a fit of rage. Yet, somehow, I managed to keep these emotions in check in public. That is, until I walked into the dojo one day asking for some water from Rudy. You needed pee for a pregnancy test, and to make pee you need liquids. I drank the entire bottle in 3 seconds, flat.

"Woah, a little thirsty there, aren't you?" Jerry jokes. I ignore him. "Or are you planning to cleanse the ugly off your face from the inside out?" I grip the bottle tighter, hearing it crunch underneath my hand.

"Oh, you mad bro? Kim smash?" Even though a part of me knew Jerry was just being Jerry, I found myself extremely angered.

"As if you can talk about anyone's face." I spit, trying to calm myself before I did something I would regret.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean there must be a reason your girlfriend was making out with Jack at that party." Oops. Too late. I saw Jerry's face turn red, his chest rise then fall dramatically, and his fists clench. For the first time, I was scared of Jerry. For the first time, I was scared. Truly, truly, terrified.

"What?" Now Jerry's the one spitting words.

"I'm so sorry, Jer. I didn't mean to..." He storms past me, and I know that I could have stopped him. But I _didn't. _I could have tried to reason with him, or grabbed his arm and told him to stop but _I didn't. _I realize as he pushes through the dojo's doors, though, that I couldn't have stopped him. Postpone the inevitable. He would've found out sooner or later. I just wish it hadn't been from me. I run out into the courtyard after him.

"So you kissed my girl?" Jerry shouts at Jack. Jack looks up from his meal, the smile from a conversation he'd been having fading away. Jack rubs his eyebrow, now realizing what Jerry was talking about.

"Jerry, I-"

"Get up." Jerry says quickly. Clenching his fists. Oh no.

"Jerry, I didn't even know it was her! It was like I was drunk or something I swear!" Jack says in his defense.

"I don't give a rat's ass whether you were drunk! You kissed my girl!"

"Blame whoever spiked the punch, man! Not me! I didn't know what was happening!" Jack countered, standing slowly. His explanation made sense. That must be why neither of us could remember what happened in his bedroom. I could tell he was afraid. I had never seen Jack afraid.

"Jerry, calm down!" I shout. Suddenly, Jerry shoves Jack. Hard. Jack pushes back, and Jerry replies with a prompt punch to the face. It becomes an all out brawl with wrestling and choke holds.

"STOP! Friends, please, just STOP! It is my fault, okay? I spiked the punch and stole Kim's motorcycle! It was me!" Someone shouts over all the commotion. The courtyard is still and silent. Jack pries himself free of Jerry. And once I realize who said it, I gasp.

"Mika?" I say. Jack walks over to me. Mika continues to explain, this time calmly.

"I was drunk WAY before party. I brought it into the dojo and had it with me. The friend I was with told me that Phil was there. In my country it is forbidden for girls to drink alcohol. So I poured my flask into the bowl, and hid it in the bathroom. I am so sorry, Jerry! This is my doing!"

And then Joan walks in.

_With Lindsay. _

"There she is Joan! Arrest her!" The blonde-haired narc says. Joan reluctantly walks over to Mika and cuffs her. Mika shakes her head.

"No! I can not be arrested! Please, Joan! I am sorry!" She says hysterically.

Joan just shakes her head , and I know she doesn't want to do this just as much Mika.

"Mika! We'll meet you at the Police Dept.!" I yell to her. She nods between tears as Joan drags her away. Lindsay watches them go with a smug smile. I storm over to her.

"You...you ..," I pause thinking of the correct word _" bitch."_ I seethe at her.

"Hey, now-" Jerry starts. I turn around.

"Do you really wanna test me right now? One of my best friends just got dragged away, because of this whore girlfriend, who you were just gonna beat up MY friend over. Not to forget you just called me ugly ten minutes ago." I raise my eyebrow and Jerry surrenders. I turn back to Lindsay.

"She nearly RUINED my relationship, and she committed GRAND THEFT AUTO! How can you feel sorry for her?" She says nasally. I'm seething now, and every word she was saying made me angrier. I rolled up my sleeves.

"You remember at the party when I said I would kick your ass if you looked at someone other than Jerry? Well, you're making it really hard to keep my promise." I say rolling my sleeves up. I feel Jerry smile behind me. Suddenly there's a hand on my shoulder.

"Kimmy, don't. We need to go to the police station, anyway." He whispers. I look down at my feet, feeling embarrassed and back up at Lindsay. She's jealous, I can tell. I look back at Jerry, still stunned as to what had just occurred, and back to Lindsay with a smirk.

"Have fun with that, slut." I say before walking out. I walk back in once I realize no one is following me.

"Milton, Eddie, Julie, Jack, Jerry! Come on!" They shuffle slowly to the entrance of the mall." PICK UP YOUR FEET. " They practically run out the door.

We pile into the van that Rudy had lent me after my bike got stolen and we drive the 15 miles to the police department in complete silence.

…

I storm into the dreary establishment and look around for a front desk. I find one manned by a fat cop stuffing his face with two donuts at once. I walk up quickly.

"Mika, Mika Ahdoot." I say quickly tapping his clipboard obnoxiously.

"Dats an unfortunate name ya got der, but I can't do nuttin' fer ya. " He says with a thick New Jersey accent, odd for a cop who works in Delaware.

"No. My name is Kim Crawford. My friend Mika is in there." I point to the holding cell behind me where she is waving at me. I wave back. " I need to talk to her."

"No way. You ain't gettin' in der', heck, you ain't getting' past me wit out no cuffs on." He says and promptly goes back to eating his donut(s?). I turn around towards my friends.

"We can see her tomorrow, Kim." Jack says grabbing my hand.

"No. I'm seeing her. Now."

I turn to the police officer, still ignoring me. I grab his collar.

"Look, either you let me in there, Hun, or we're gonna have some problems. I just gained 10 pounds, saw my friend get arrested, slept with my best friend and I can't even remember it, my motorcycle got stolen and oh yeah, I'M PREGNANT!" I shout. Every officer, hooker, and patron in the place looks at me.

"_You're what now_?" Jack says. I brush him off. The officer looks at me fearfully. I realize I still have his collar.

"Yeauh, yeauh. Right threw dere. Have a nice day, Ma'am." He says bowing. I roll my eyes and walk to the cell that Mika is in. She takes my hand in hers.

"Kim! Kim you must help me! If they arrest me, I'll be deported!"

"I know," I say sitting on the bench in front of her cell "How about you start from the beginning?"

Mika nods.

"It started with Lindsay..."

"Suspicious already..." I interject. Mika nods.


	5. Not Ever

"I was with Jerry and Lindsay before the party. After we conversed for a while, Jerry left to go to his job." Mika says. Jerry nods, confirming this. " So Lindsay and I began to talk...she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her, and at first, I declined, seeing as Uncle Phil was expecting me."

This time Jack nods, remembering seeing Mika work the counter everyday at the same time.

"We traveled to her home, way out in the suburbs, far away from here." Jerry snorts.

Wasn't that the truth? He had told me that once he had to take 8 buses just to get near her house.

"Her parents were away, so we ordered the Les Miserables on Demand and ate popcorn."

I almost smile a little at the thought of Lindsay watching Les Mis. How that must have been a rude awakening.

"Then she handed me a drink. It was yellow, and I believed it to be lemonade or the pineapple soda, but I learned from her that it was something called Vodka." A confused look overtakes Mika's features for a moment, showing that she did not understand what Vodka was at the time. "I was coughing everywhere, because this Vodka, it tasted horrible. Then-"

"Did Lindsay have the same stuff in her glass as you?" I question, anticipating the answer. Mika shakes her head.

"At first, I believed she did. But I noticed her behavior became the exact opposite of mine as the night when on. This lead me to believe I had been deceived. Next time I was completely conscious, I'm at Lindsay's house, with a bruise on my arm, and she's telling me about all the terrible things I did. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone." Tears well in Mika's eyes. "Please help me. If they convict me, I will be deported. I cannot go back to Hakmakistan. It is terrible there now. Not at all how Uncle Phil remembers it to be." Mika's begun sobbing, and I feel a pang of sympathy in my chest for the girl who has been wronged.

"We will not let anyone take you away, alright?" Milton assures her, smiling and placing a hand over her own. "You just have to tell us if you remember anything else."

Mika nods, wipes away a stray tear that's halfway down her cheek, and breathes deeply. "I...I vomited in the bathroom. I remember because I almost fell on-" Mika gasps, and I can almost see the gears in her head turning. "I almost fell on a bottle that had a big, fancy 'V' on it."

I realize in the same moment as everyone else. V is for Vodka.

"I know what happened at the party." The foreigner says, somehow managing to look every one of us in the eye at the same time. "And I am so sorry, but I did not steal that bike and I was in no way myself when I spiked that punch. Please believe me." Mika whispers.

A police officer, with a beer gut and a five o clock shadow, opens the door. Jerry, who had been seething silently in the back for the entire story, looks up.

"Time's up." He says harshly. Mika shrills at the top of her lungs as she is removed from the room, and we all take that as a cue to follow her. Or, in Jerry's case, run after her.

"PLEASE DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ME!" Mika's voice cracks, and now she's doing so much more than just sobbing and screaming. She's breaking our hearts. Lindsay is standing there, filing her report with the station. My blood broils.

"YOU TRICKED ME. YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE AIR THAT SURROUNDS YOU!" Mika yells at her, struggling restlessly against the hold the officer had on her.

"Why?" The tired, saddened look on Mika's face paralyzes everyone, even a few of the officers, and especially Lindsay. "Why would you do this, friend?" A lump grows in my throat, and it get bigger every time Mika cries. Jerry is right Mika's side. "Do not let them take me away." She whispers with her face pressed against his, their noses touching. Mika whispers something else, but it's so quiet I couldn't understand. Tears are coming down Jerry's cheeks, and he's nodding and assuring her of something.

"I will not ever let that happen." Mika smiles bleakly, and I'm sure her own tears were falling into her mouth.

Jerry smiles sadly back at her. "Not ever." And then she's gone, and in a blur of sirens and screams and cuss words, we're back at the dojo. Jerry is silent, save for the sound of his shallow breathing, which we can only hear because he has his face in his hands. He's trying not to weep.

I'm not.


	6. Bye, Wifey

"Guys, she can't go back to Khakhmakhistan ." Jerry mumbles. He had been silent the entire car ride and the fifteen minute we'd been in the dojo. Mostly because he'd been crying the hardest out of any of us. I don't know what Mika said to him at the police department, but it had really upset him. His lips and cheeks were slightly swollen from crying. Jack patted his back awkwardly.

"We know, man." Jack comforted with a trembling to his voice. " It'll be okay." he said. But it sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather that Jerry. Jerry just shook his head and put his face in his hands.

"No, you don't," the Hispanic boy mutters. " You don't know the half of it..."

I scrunched my eyebrows. What was he getting at?

"We're gonna figure something out." Milton counters, rubbing his eyelids like the old man he was. Jerry stood up quickly.

"_NO!_ There is no way we can save her! The only way she won't be deported is if she is an American citizen, and that's not going to happen! So stop fooling yourselves. Mika is going back to Khakhmakhistan." He shouts. His voice holds so much pain, and I know there's nothing any of us can say to change that. No one had wanted to think it, but we all had. No one had wanted to say it, so Jerry did. We can't save her. Mika would be deported. Jerry had been the last to speak with her, so his wounds were the freshest.

"_PLEASE DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ME!"_

He had been in love with her for years, he would never admit it. Though Mika Ahdoot had been the one to break his heart freshman year, she still held it in her hands. He was never the same. He dated girls in blurs, became reckless in his decisions and ,at first, he was a real dick. But I could understand why. Jerry had grown up in a house filled with family, there was never a dull moment. Though this can be viewed as positive, over time Jerry hated going home. He knew he'd only be bombarded by siblings crowding his room, cousins hogging the TV, parents hoarding the food. The noise, the clutter, the craziness. It was too much. Considering none of us at the dojo had many siblings or family members, we couldn't relate. Mika could. In Khakhmakhistan, she would sometimes have to share her bed with three other people in a tiny one room hut. She was the one he talked to when home life became too much. Jerry and Mika were boyfriend and girlfriend, yes, but they were also best friends. They even remained friends after the breakup, a cliche that was rarely maintained after breakups.

And then Lindsay had come around. Parading around Jerry in belts that she passed off as skirts, flipping her hair and batting her lashes until he gave. She whipped him into a Jerry I didn't like. One who complied to shopping when he would usually run the other way. None of us trusted her. One minute she was all over Jack, the next Jerry? It did everything but set off a few alarms in my mind. Lindsay was deceitful and had a snotty disposition. She carried herself like she was better than the rest of simply because she had slept with half the school. Like she was some type of hero for screwing anything that walked. She was using Jerry. Everyone could see it. If it wasn't spending his money, it was guilt tripping him into doing stuff for her she would never do herself. But that stuff is beside the point.

What exactly had Mika said to him?

"Jerry, before they took her away what did she whisper to you?" I inquire, looking for an answer to the question that had been vexing me. I stared at him intensely, searching his face for some type of recognition that I was even talking. At first, he stared back but then looked away. Gazing out the window as if Mika would suddenly appear.

"Doesn't matter. She's leaving now." he barely whispers as he walks towards the door.

"Jerry! C 'mon." Julie calls. Jerry doesn't even give us the courtesy of turning around when he says:

"Fuck off." and stalks out the door, leaving an almost visible trail of anger and immense sadness. I need to find out what she told him.

It could save her life.

…

I roll over in my bed. This extra weight gain had totally ruined my sleeping patterns. I flip my pillow over with frustration and sit bolt right in my bed. Soon my fingers are flying across the touch screen dial pad of my cellphone.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" He says his voice not coated in what would typically be a sexy sleepy drawl boys were known to have. He was wide awake, and from the sounds of it, had been for awhile. I shake my head before I realize we're on the phone.

"No." I reply. He sighs on his end.

"This is crazy. All because of that stupid party." He scoffs. I had a sneaking suspicion he felt this way. I know he feels responsible for the events that transpired.

"Stop doing that." I order.

"Doing what?"

"Feeling guilty, it wasn't anyone's fault." I explain. "Right now we need to figure out a way to save Mika before Jerry loses his mind."

Jack chortles " He looked like wanted to kill somebody. But you heard him. The only way we could save Mika is if she was an American citizen . Or had an anchor or something."

"Anchor?" I inquire,confused.

"Yeah," Jack shifts his weight and groans. " You ever heard of the DREAM act?" He asks.

"A little." It had something to do with immigration. I knew that much. I figure he'll explain the rest.

"Well, its kind of like that. Except Anchors are a little different. When immigrants have a child on US soil, they are given automatic citizenship. The kid _anchors _them to America, basically." He babbles. " But Mika would have to be pregnant for that to work." He argues.

"You said something else about her being an American Citizen ?" I say leaning back on my pillow.

"Oh! Well, she could always marry a US citizen. But in California you have to be 18 to get married without parental consent. Mika's 17." he sighs. "And her parents don't even live here. Or she could be pregnant. Then she doesn't need permission. But again, she's not." The gears in my mind click.

"I think I know how we're going to save Mika."

…

"Marry her."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

Jerry runs his hand through his hair, and breathes deeply. The gang looks at him intensely. We'd been mulling over the idea for a week until finally we decided it was the only option. Jerry and Mika would be getting married. Jerry looked up at us.

"I get the feeling I don't have choice."

"Do you want one? Its Mika we're talking about." Eddie counters, raising his eyebrows and nudging him with his elbow. Jerry blushes.

"So its decided?" I ask looking around. "Good. Who's ready to plan a wedding?"

The group whoops and cheers.

We just saved Mika's life.

…

"Married? My parents would never allow such things to happen!" Mika exclaims. I smirk.

"We kind of figured. So we thought Phil would work instead." I say. Phil stepped forward and smiled.

"You are very sure of this working?" She asks.

I roll my eyes. " Yes, Hun. Its legal. Technically, Phil is your legal guardian and has parental rights."

Jerry looks up at Mika and she blushes and flicks her eyes back to me. He smirks. Then they both try to catch a quick glance at each-other and end up meeting the other's gaze. She giggles. He chuckles. I groan.

"All right, people. Lets leave Mika to get her rest." Milton says as he rounds up the group. Jerry gets up reluctantly before saying:

"Bye, wifey." Mika giggles again.

"You coming Kim?" Jack says turning around.

I brush him off. "I'll be there in a second. Rev up the engine for me" I toss the keys to him. He nods and heads off after the gang.

"Kim, why have you not gone with the others?" Mika asks curiously. My lips form a tight smile as I bring the telephone back to my lips.

"I need you to tell me what you told Jerry." I say.

Mika simply looks at me and then at her feet, and then back up at me.

"I cannot."

"Mika, please, you can trust me." I beg. " Besides I already have an idea as to what it is."

She looks up, shocked.

"You knew that I was pregnant?!" She exclaims before she realizes where she is and quiets down.

Pregnant? That was not what I was expecting. I was hoping it was simply 'I love you', not pregnancy.

I scratch my forehead and rub my eyelids. This situation was proving to be more complex as it progressed.

"I do now."


	7. Nothing's Wrong Everything's Wrong

"Kim!" My mother raps her knuckles on the door. I groan ed as I wipe a towel across my mouth. I had been hacking things up every morning for like 2 months and I didn't know why. Now my Mom was starting to notice.

"Come in!" I shout as I quickly flush the toilet, and put the throw up towel in the dirty hamper. She rushes in in a frenzy. She looks at me with concern as I grab my toothbrush. Her hand travels to my bicep, as we both turn to face the mirror. We're the exact same person almost, except she's older. blonde hair, blue eyes, pale-but-tannable skin.

"Kim," She says. "You've been throwing up all the time lately are you doing it again...?" She trails off not wanting to say what I know she was thinking.

_Bulimia._

When I was with the Black Dragons, all they would talk about was how we needed to be healthy and fit. I was so skinny already, it didn't seem to make as difference how much I worked out. So instead, I began to throw up the 'weight' that I wasn't losing. It was only supposed to be once, then it turned into a habit, until eventually I was vomiting just to feel better. I hadn't told my Mom until after Jack had caught me doing it in the Wasabi Warriors Dojo after I'd left the Black Dragons...

"_Kim?! Kim what the hell are you doing?!" He shouts as he barges into the girls bathroom. _Shit._ I should have locked the stall door. I get up quickly brushing myself off._

"_Nothing. You can't be in here."_

"_Kim are you making yourself throw up?" His eyes look at me with the deepest concern. His eyes bore into me. I feel so guilty I look away._

"_No..." I mumble. _

"_Kim," He says inching towards me. "Its okay..." At first my body is tense as he wraps his arms around me. But suddenly I hug back, lightly at first, but then tighter as my sobs grow stronger. He strokes my hair as he says:_

"_Kim," He pulls me away so he can look at me, and wipe tears from my face. " You are beautiful to me."_

_And that was enough._

"What?! No! Its a stomach bug or something..."

"That lasts for two months?" She says narrowing her eyes and raising her eyebrows. "You're going to the doctor."

"What? Mom, I have to go to school."

She shrugs.

"Well, you'll have to miss school, today. I'm scheduling an appointment for Dr. Kastelic."

"Isn't he a gynecologist?"

"And a doctor. Why not get a twofer?"

I groan and think _Yeah, why not._

…

He goes through the procedures painstakingly slow before he says:

"Mrs. Crawford, If you wouldn't mind I'd like to speak to Kim."

"Okay, go ahead" She says waving her arms.

"_Alone._"

"Well, I do mind."

"Well, it wasn't a question." He says turning around to face her. She glares at him " Doctor-Patient confidentiality. Nothing personal."

My mother growls before stalking out of the room and slamming the door, making me jump. Dr Kastelic turns to me, having breathed a sigh of relief.

"No offense, but your Mom's a gank." He says as tosses his gloves into the waste bin next to him.

I shrug, "Eh. None taken" My Mom is a bug nag and has that whole 'God-Complex' thing that white people tend to have. Does it help that we belong to the Seaford Country Club? No. Not at all. " So," I pat my lap covered in thin linen "What did you need to ask me?"

"Well, Kim" he pauses and his weary old face wrinkles. "Are you...sexually active?"

My stomach drops. My heart skips two beats. And suddenly there's a ringing in my ears. I hadn't thought about that night in weeks It had been so long ago, I'm wary of the details. All I remember is waking up in Jack's bed.

_Stark naked._

"Kim?"

"I- I don't know."

He loos at me, puzzled "Don't know what , Kim?"

"If I did... it." My mind wanders back to what I'd told myself for days after the party...

_Jack and I did not have sex. That didn't happen._

Dr. Kastelic removes his glasses and sighs into the stale air. "Do you think you were drugged...?"

"What? No!"

"Then tell me what happened," He pries. I look away. " So that I can help you." I look at him and open my mouth spewing the words quickly so I didn't have to feel them touch my tongue.

"I was at a party and I was getting ready to leave so I drank some punch." _Some, more like ten cups. "_And next it was morning and I was naked. Someone put,um, _Vodka_ in the juice."

"Hm."

"I think I got alcohol poisoning." I say tears stinging the corners of my eyes. I hadn't cried in so long, it burned. "I don't know if I had sex or not."

Dr. Kastelic looks away awkwardly. He knows something.

"What? What do you know?" I say frantically, my voice breaking.

"Kim," he says slowly, turning back to me. "Your hymen has been ruptured." he states.

I rub tears out of my eyes and furrows "What does that," I begin to choke on my own words " What does that mean?"

He strokes his eyelids and groans.

"Kim, I'm so sorry," he says quickly, putting his hand on my knee, I shake him off.

"What does that mean!?" I swallow my own tears.

He utters the sentence calmly clearly, as if it wouldn't potentially ruin my life:

"Kim, you are no longer a virgin."

…

He said he'd run some tests, as a precaution. In case I had contracted Syphilis or something. He promised not tell my Mom. He gave me birth control pills and condoms ,like I planned on getting alcohol poisoning again. I so badly wanted to cry, but I had no right. I had been drunk. I couldn't blame Jack or Mika either. I could only blame myself for being so stupid. Something sacred had been _stolen_ from me. But you want to know what the worst part is?

_I'm the thief._

"Kim, you ready to go? Everyone is in the van waiting on you." Jack calls from the doorway that leads outside from the courtyard. I look up from the dirt spot that I had apparently been staring at for the past half-hour. I nod and go to the car with him. To my surprise ( and anger) Jerry is sitting in the driver's seat. I was still driving the van until I could find a chance to get my car from the Tow Company.

"Jerry, I need you to get up." I say through the crack in the window. He laughs as Jack climbs in the passenger. My blood boils.

"GET OUT OF MY SEAT RIGHT NOW OR WILL TAKE YOUR LIP AND STRETCH IT OVER YOUR HEAD, TAKE YOUR PICK, ASSWIPE." I shout in a stoic stance. I can practically hear everyone's jaw drop. Jerry is frozen. "DID YOU HEAR ME?"

He scurries into the farthest backseat in the van tripping over the cushions with every step. I yank the door open and climb into my seat. I grab for the key in the ignition and get a handful of nothing.

"Where is the GOD-DAMNED key?" I shout some more. Jack hands it to me quickly, nearly dropping it on the carpet. I snatch them.

He reaches for my hand. "Kimmy,-"

"Don't call me that." He retracts his hand and pauses.

"Kim," he says slowly, "What's wrong?"

I shove the key in the ignition.

_Everything. Every damn thing._

"Nothing." I sigh as we pull off onto the road. " Not a damn thing."

…


	8. What Was Your Favorite Part Of The Day?

"Mika Ahdoot ?"

The group stands simultaneously, like some type of military. The secretary's eyes widen as she realizes our ragtag group is together. I shake my hair out and uncross the legs that had been overlapped for what felt like an eon.

"You- You all can't go in there." She says with absolutely no authority. I laugh and walk directly past her, physically _daring_ her to stop me.

"Kim, maybe we should-" Eddie starts.

I whip around my hair nearly smacking him in the face. He flinches. "Should what? If you want to stay out here, go ahead. I'm going into the office."

Eddie's lips smack back together as we head into the office I push the large mahogany doors open to reveal a study with a plethora of books on large, mobile bookcases with a ladder laying idle to get to the second set of shelves. The imposingly wide and long wooden-marble desk adorned with out-of-place pictures of motorcycles. And on the big, cushy, swivel computer chair sits who I hope to be the man of the hour. As the chair turns I realize where his son gets his good looks.

"Hey, Mr. Sachar" I say with a smile before the secretary rushes in, with her tiny pencil skirt having ridden up and her chest heaving deep breaths. She pushes through us.

"Mr. Sachar, I told them that-" He holds his hand up and she abruptly stops speaking.

"Its okay, Linda. She's a _friend_ of my son's."

She nods turn and leaves but not before giving me the evil eye. I bare my teeth at her and growl at her back. I turn back around to face the lawyer I'd came here to see. He smiles stand and extends a hand to me, I take it and shake the way my father had taught me.

"Whoa." he says retracting his hand. " Strong grip" he laughs as he sits back down. He gestures towards the lone chair across from him I take it graciously as the the group crowds around, nearly suffocating. I ward them off with my hand, they each take a step back before Mr. Sachar.

"Its nice to finally meet you, Kim You are all Ryder talks about." He says shuffling papers. My friends rock back and forth awkwardly and give each other sidelong glances as if to say:

_How does she know this dude?_

I laugh at the man's compliment blushing as I explain to my friends the relationship."His son and I are good friends." I say to them all the while remaining eye contact with the counselor across from me. "Alright, Mr. Sachar let's get down to business." I rub my hands together eagerly.

"Honestly, Kim, your idea was great but there might be a few... hiccups."

"Like what?" Jack asks forcefully.

Sachar breaks our eye contact and looks up at Jack like one would look at a menial child and scoffs. Jack's grip on my shoulder tightens. I knock his hand off of me. Sachar returns his gaze to me. " Well, the deportation could be finalized before the marriage. Therefore she could still be deported."

"So, it might not even matter? If we get married?" Jerry inquires, obviously confused.

"Yes."

"Yes as in no it won't matter?" Eddie says blankly scratching his bald head.

"Yes as in no, Eddie." Julie sighs quietly. Mr. Sachar forces a smile before he continues, I interrupt again.

"So what do we do now? See what happens?" I say getting angry again. Then there's a familiar hand on my shoulder, I look up to see Jack with a tight smile that says 'cool it'. The lawyer butts in.

"Well, no, Right now Jerry," He gestures towards the boy behind me"and Mika," he rests his hands on her file "need to know every last detail about each other."

Jerry grows more confused " What? Why?"

"For the interview at the deportation office. You have to prove you're not getting married just so Mika can get her green card. Or she'll be arrested." Milton explains before Mr. Sachar. Jerry looks downward when he hears this. He hadn't known the risks. He was second guessing himself. Then with a stoic glare , he gazes up.

"OK." He says finally. Milton pats his back and Jerry looks back at his feet, sure of his love for Mika, unsure in his decision. He reads like an open book. His thought were conflicting him. His face would cringe sporadically throughout Mr. Sachar's consultation. He wanted- no- he _needed_ to save Mika., But is it worth his freedom? I know he knows the answer is _Yes, It is worth it._

But that doesn't mean he won't have cold feet.

…

After meeting with the lawyer we went to the penitentiary where Mika currently resides. I request to speak to her alone. The group goes into the waiting room and allows me to speak with Mika in solitude.

"Mika, how long have you known?' I ask, my voice shaking as I remembered the moment she'd told me she was pregnant. The girl bites her lip, squints her eyes, and looks down , her hair shadowing her olive face. I know it hurts her. I know she's scared.

"Three months." she stutters, spitting tears that had fallen to the arbitrary spout beneath the nose. Her face splotches and she begins to weep once more.

"Mika..." I begin, my voice choking.

"You do not understand! _Stop pretending you understand!_"

"_I DO UNDERSTAND!"_

Mika eyes widen to large brown orbs. Her jaw visibly clenches and she blinks her glare away from me to her feet.

"How?" She whispers into the telephone. I could hardly hear her. I braced myself. I hadn't talked about my little 'chat' with Dr. K with anyone.

"I lost my virginity while I was drunk, and I cant ever get that back. I can't even remember it." I say quietly as if afraid that someone might hear and think low of me.

Mika suddenly slams the phone on the receiver and she shouts something through the muffling plexiglass that looks like ' No. You don't understand.' Insert exclamation points where necessary. I flinched as if she could possibly melt it with her extreme anger. An officer comes by and restrains her. Mika turns swiftly and stalk through the door she had entered barely giving the guard time to cuff her. I watch her numbly through the window. My mind seeming to dull into pure silence as I realize something. A possibility my mind hadn't even encountered about my virginity.

"Kim? Kim? I came in to see if you were OK." Jack's voice beckons He shakes my shoulder when I don't answer. A chair screeches. An inmate cries because she can't hold her child. A guard picks her fingernails. These noises turn into a dull roar. Jack is still shaking my shoulder.

"Kim? Kim! Your phone is ringing." Jack informs loudly, barely waking me from my stupor. "Kim? Answer your phone!" He orders . Slowly, feeling beginning to spread to my fingertips, I reach into my purse, feeling around aimlessly for my cellphone. When I finally pull it out there two missed calls from a number I don't recognize.

…

"What was wrong with you, Kim?" Grace asks curiosity getting the best of her.

"I realized something." I glance down at Leona sleeping sweetly "Something that had been staring me in the face for three months." I sigh.

….

I click ' Call Back' and the number audibly redials.

"Kim? I was trying to reach you." A familiar voice says through the light static passing between our phones. Dr. Kastelic.

"Dr. K? Did something go wrong? With the tests?" I ask , the buzz finally wearing off. I had a feeling that Dr. K was only going to confirm my worst fears.

"No. Its actually quite beautiful." He paused a second. I could feel his melancholy smile over the line. "Kim, you're pregnant."

And then it all went black.

…

"Guys I think she waking up."

My eyelids flutter open, but I quickly close them due to the blaring white that seems to be swallowing me.

"Kim are you alright?" Julie's voice coaxes as I keep my eyes sealed shut. I rub them through my lids and chuckle a little. I'm sitting in a hospital bed for no particular reason, my head aches like a _bitch_, I'm beginning to get nauseous again and – I almost forgot _again - _I'm pregnant! But instead of saying these foul words I simply nod and clutch my head.

"Then why won't you open your eyes...?"

"The light. Its too white in here. It hurts and I already have the sickest migraine." I mumble-groan, my energy depleted. The lights are quickly flicked off by someone in the room and I open my eyes slowly. Float orbs with pupils and iris' stare back. I scratch my back groggily.

"What," I pause and sit up. It takes a lot of energy so I pause for a bit " What happened?" There's some awkward foot shuffling.

"Ya kind of uh- " Milton starts, I assume he's itching the back of his head when Jack cuts him off.

"You fainted, hit your head right on the telephone counter and passed out. We couldn't wake you no matter how hard we tried." He says almost angrily

"We thought you were in a coma or something. You have a very small concussion. Miniscule." Julie's voice breaks. She'd been crying. I reach for her forearm

"Julie, I'm fine . I'll live." I say patting her back.

"Yeah...that's not my back, and I'm not Julie" says Eddie. Horrified , I retract my hand from his ass. The group snickers. I trail my fingers along the inside of my arm and feel the many external veins and IV's they'd plunged into my skin. Then my mind clicks._ IV= Blood. Blood equals blood test. Blood test means that they know you're pregnant and one of their chatty nurses is probably rushing over here to give you the ' good news' ._

"I can leave at any time, right?" I ask frantically throwing the covers from the bed . Eddie stutters a yes as I snatch the multiple cord from my blood stream.

"Kim what the _hell_ are you doing?" Jerry asks as I push past him and grasp for the light. It turns on. I grab for my clothes and shove on my pants. I turn my back to them when I put my shirt over my bra less body. I shove my feet into some Vans.

"Kim!" Jack grabs my arm.

"I'm leaving, okay? I need to leave." I say quickly , snatching my arm back . He furrows his brow . I reach for my purse and head out the door. I hear a cattle of hesitant feet behind me. I rush up to the desk and ring the bell impatiently. A middle aged woman comes, dress in bright hot pink scrubs. She smiles lightly.

"What can I do you for, Hun?" She says with a slight southern drawl. I smile back. So far, this is my favorite part of the day. No psychotic immigrants, 'helpful' doctors, no parties. It' just me and her in the long white corridor. I smile back and tell her I'm checking out. She asks for my name.

I glance at the computer. "Kim. Kimberly -I mean, Crawford." She taps some keys and scours the computer screen for my name.

"Ah." She taps the screen with a _clink! "_There you are." She mutters as slow 'alright' as she clicks my taps the mouse a few more times. I look around impatiently as if someone's gonna jump form behind a corner with a camera crew shouting : " Congrats on your pregnancy!". The nurse looks up at me and smiles again.

"Well, Hun, I guess you can leave. Be careful now, you hear?"

I nod and grin as I walk away. The group follows closely.

"Oh and congratulations!" She calls after me.

I whirl around "On what?" ,genuinely confused. She gives me a tight smile.

"On your pregnancy,silly!"

I freeze

My friends stare.

And all I can think is:

_Shit. This is _definitely_not my favorite part of the day..._


	9. And then there was darkness

It felt like it was all happening at once. Yet time seemed to come to a steady, bloody crawl. Slowly creeping from second to second. I stood there fore what felt like an hour and a minute all at the same time. My brain could barely decipher the visions in front of me. There are no lines. Only the white. White everywhere. My heart thumps with the ticking of the clock. I 'm sure that my knees are going to give way and collapse beneath me any second now. And almost without making the decision. My feet hitch from the ground and I run. But it felt like I was running in place. Nothing changes, there is still white. Am I even moving anymore? I'm not sure.

There was a screech

There was a skid

There was a scream

Then there was darkness.

…

In life, we tell ourselves that if we try our hardest, only the best results will afford us. And at that I can't help but laugh. I tried my hardest to be good at karate, to stop my bulimia, to keep my virginity until the 'one' came along, to not get pregnant until I was out of college with a steady job and likewise income.

But that all went away within seconds.

Then it became: _Be at the dojo on time, prevent morning sickness while mom is home, trick yourself into believing you didn't lose your virginity and were just naked in Jack's bed for no reason, keep your pregnancy a secret. _But now, now there are no rules because the one thing I wanted only mediocre results in, failed me. What am I left with? A baby, shocked friends, and a surely livid mother. And then there's Jack in the middle of it all. Jack, who I feel got the less-shitty end of the stick. Who found out I had been harboring something that was rightfully his and mine. Who would ever want to find out that way?

"Kim? Kim are you awake?" A shaky voice says. I'm not sure how to answer. Yes, I'm conscious. No, I'm not awake. Would I ever wake up from this ceaseless nightmare?

"Kim?" The same voice beckons.

"Yes?" I answer with uncertainty.

"Kim. Its your mother. Sweetie, are you OK?"

No. I'm everything but OK.

"Yeah, mom. I'm fine. Just tired."

"How do your legs feel?"

My legs?

"You have no idea what happened...do you?" She says tiredly. She hardly gives me a chance to answer.

"You ran into oncoming traffic and both of your legs are temporarily paralyzed... Its a miracle you even survived. Based on the speed the car was going you should've died on impact."

My mind races. I survived, but did the baby...?

"What about the baby?"

"What baby?"

Had they not told her? Did they have my mother sitting here for hours and she doesn't even know?

"Kim, what baby?"

Pause. Take a breath. More silence. I open my eyes. There's my mom. Dark circles, bags, no makeup, miss-match shoes, and sweats. She's been sitting in that exact same spot for hours. Crying, praying and telling off Doctors.

Her face is red with frustration and rage. "_Kim, what goddamn baby!"_

"_Mine! _Okay? My baby."

My mother sits for a moment letting what I'd said sink in. I close my eyelids again " No, Kim. No. Not to you." Her voice breaks into uneasy, quiet, hopeless sobs, knowing what I said was true. She's putting it all together. The cravings, the throwing up, the excessive weight gain.

"How far along-"

"Three months."

She scoffs. "And you knew? All this time? What? Did you think you could keep it a secret?"

I cringe " No. Mom. I just found out today, or yesterday. I'm not really sure how much time has passed."

There's some shuffling footsteps, door slam. I open my eyes. Mom's gone.

"Mom? Mom!" I call towards the door. No reply. Soon, I hear muffled shouts. Certain phrases stick out: "So my daughter's pregnant and you didn't think to tell me?" " Fucking useless, is what you doctors are. Fucking useless." The shouts slowly come to a dull roar as my mother moves her rampage down the hall.

"Hey, Kim." Jack pokes his head in through the curtain. I wave with a tight smile. He erects his neck and brushes his almond hair out of his eyes. "You must really like the hospital." He jokes awkwardly as he laughs. I breath air out of my nose with a closed lips smile. Jack looks out the window.

"So... your mom is going berserk." He starts.

"I noticed."

Insert awkward silence here.

"Who's the dad?" Jack says quickly. I squint my eyes at him. Is he serious? " The group and I- we were curious."

I realize with sad uncertainty, that he really doesn't know that its his kid. I rub my eyebrows as he walks towards the window and leans on the sill, the setting sun blazing onto his face.

"It doesn't matter. He said he doesn't want it..." I lie through my teeth. Jack looks back at me, registering what I'm saying. His face seem to be getting redder, his glare more intense.

"Well, he's an ass. A fucking coward. " He seethes looking back out the window.

"I guess so." I mumble. He continues to glare at the sun.

"I'm so sorry, Kim. I'm so sorry this happened to you." He says apologetically. I clutch the bridge of my nose.

"You okay?" He asks with concern.

"Fine. Can you just..leave? I'm sleepy." I say lying my head on the pillow, with my back to him. He stutters a "Y-Yea. OK." as he shuffles out of the room. The door slams behind him.

The sun hits the sheets with a beautiful array of oranges, reds, and yellows. Like bloody sunlight.

Nurses scuffle down the corridor.

Doctors bark orders

I begin to weep.

...

"They said the, " my mom pauses at my stomach as she wheels me down the corridor "is okay. You hit the car with your back and legs. Its strange really. You barely got hurt. The doctor's say that feeling should be back in your legs in no time." She says as we roll into the elevator. I rub my eyelids.

"You should have full feeling in your legs within a week. Maybe sooner if you get really shocked by something the doctor's said." My mother says as she leans over me and presses the down button. I let out a 'hm' as mother says something that she'd obviously been bottling up.

"Whosthefatherkim." she says in one quick breath. I look up at her and squint my eyes. I know that this had been on her mind for a while.

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

"_No. _It _doesn't_. Okay? Give it a rest, Mom." I snark. My mothers hands tense around the handlebars as the wheels me out side.

"When did I become the kid and you become the mother...?" She trails off. She walks to the car door and swing it open. My mother comes over to me, leans down, secures her arms under me and picks me up with almost no trouble. She puts me in the backseat slowly. I strap myself in as she climbs in the driver's seat. My mother presses the bottom of her hand into her face and cringes as she put her head on the steering wheel.

"Mom? What's wrong?" I ask.

She bolts up and wipes her face,weary and wrinkled as she stick the key in the ignition. I can tell she has something to say. I could practically hear her shouting:

_What did I do wrong?!_

…

"Kim! There's a Mr. Sachar on the line for you! He says its about Mika!" My mother shouts up the stair well. She'd been doing a great job at acting like she didn't know. As if nothing had happened. She'd gone back to having luncheon at the country club in polos with shiny new hairstyles, and flaw- covering makeup. Maybe she believes if she acts normal, everything will go back to normal. I don't have the courage to tell her it'll never be the same. I think she knows it too. She doesn't even look at me anymore. She's barely ever home, and when she is ,she holes herself up in her room with her computer and makeup and cellphone. Instead of talking directly to me she leaves notes everywhere; '_Wash the dishes!' 'Won't be back till morning, don't wait up' 'Put on your acne cream!'. _I'm not quite sure I have the right to be angry with her. She'd ignored me like this all the time, but now of all times is when she should be here for me, right? Because right now I can't help but feel alone. Jack doesn't even know, and I don't want him to. But is it strange that I resent him for not being there for me, when I purposely lied to him? I slip my magazine under my pillow and pick up the home phone in my room.

"Got it, Mom!" The phone clicks.

"Hello,Kim. I tried to reach you at your cellphone but it went straight to voice-mail." Mr. Sachar says slowly. I shrug.

"Sorry about that. I turned my phone off. My friend's were bothering me." I sigh.

"I heard about your pregnancy..." He trails off. I furrow my brow at his familiar tone. As if he was talking to a friend not a teenage girl. " Look, Kim. I know this isn't a good time but I need you to come down to the office." He says with a cough. I can't help but notice the pitch in his voice had raised.

"Um, okay? What about?" I ask.

"Just some technicalities." He pauses. _Can't we discuss technicalities over the phone? _I think. "Technicalities I need to see you in person for." He says anticipating my next question. I nod.

"Um, okay. I'll be there shortly. Might take awhile, I can't exactly walk and all." I say.

"Perfect." He says.

_What?_

"I mean that's fine. Its not of uber- urgency." He coughs. I laugh at his word choice. We say goodbye and I hang up the phone.

…

"Mr. Sachar?" I call into the seemingly empty office.

"In here, Kim!" He calls back from his office. I crutch my way to the office in the back of the building. He's facing his computer when I come in. I sit on the long love seat adjacent to the door my hands folded patiently in my lap. I put my crutches on the floor.

"Thirsty, Kim?" He says.

"Yeah. If you have a bottle of water that would be great." I say my mouth beginning to salivate. Mr. Sachar keep his chair's back to me as he opens something, closes it and then sounds like he screwing the cap off of a bottle. Suddenly there's a cold water bottle in my hand. I laugh as I realize the cap is gone.

"You didn't have to take the cap off, Mr. Sachar." I say.

He brushes it off. "My pleasure." He turns his chair as I let the water trickle down my throat. Suddenly, my vision begins to blur.

"Kim, are you alright?" I hear. Though its gently masked by bubbles. As if I'm underwater.

I try to say no, but only end up keeling over. What's wrong with me?

"I should...Ishouldgo. Gottagethome." I slur drunkenly. In the mist of all this blur I see a smirk. I try to get up, a firm hand stops me.

…

"Hey Jack, is Kim with you?" My mother asks.

"Uhh. No. She's not. Haven't seen her since the hospital last week."

My mother's spirits drop. I'd been out for a long time. It was almost dark and I could hardly walk. She sets out for her car looking for every lawyer name Sachar in the city determined to find me

...

"You're not going anywhere." someone says. I badly want to believe its not Mr. Sachar. But that voice. It was definitely him. And he had definitely drugged me."Sit down." He says aggressively. I still try to fight to get to the door. And even though I feel like I can knock over a wall, Mr. Sachar easily deflects my blows and pushes me on the loveseat. I try to get up but pathetically lose my balance on my useless legs.

A laugh.

A zip.

A smirk.

All I could do was scream. I couldn't kick him, because I can barely feel my legs enough to walk. I couldn't punch him, because I could hardly think straight. Nonetheless see straight. I'm about to get raped.

And there is nothing I can do.

He looms over me with that signature grin as if he'd won a fucking prize. If I could grimace I would.

"You're mine now, Kim. Just _mine._" He seethes in my ear. I turn my head in disgust. He simply laughs. I assume he's taking his pants all the way off now.

"I thought you'd be different. You know? But when I found out about your pregnancy I knew you were nothing special. I decided I was just going to have to fuck you." He said finally from somewhere in the room.

And then life stood still. And I realized: _This isn't gonna happen. Not today. Not to me._ And with that realization, I _willed _my legs to work. To move.

At first it was a twitch.

Then a stretch and groan.

Then full action.

Mr. Sachar is at the very least surprised when I walk over to him and punch him in the face. Kick him in the crotch for good measure. And I run. Its exhilarating really, this is the first time I had run in a _long_ time. But my vision is still groggy, so when I white van pulls up to me, I continue to run

"Kim? Kim! It's Mom! Kim, its me! Your mother!" She calls from the van. I skid to a stop and try my hardest to pick out certain characteristics. Mom, she is definitely my mom. I walk slowly to the car and get in the passengers seat. . My mother looks at me with concern.

"Kimmy? What happened?" She asks, worried.

I cringe and begin to sob into my chest. My mother pulls my head to her shoulder and begins to stroke my hair.

"Everything, Mom.." I sigh as I continue to weep.

_Everything is wrong..._


	10. Together

"No. Thank _you _, officer. " My mother says as she shuffles the last co pout of the door. He smiles and shuts the door behind him. My mother turns back to me.

"I'm just glad you're safe, honey. Are you OK?" She asks for the one trillionth time.

"Yes mom! I'm fine! Not like you care anyway.." I say the last bit under my breath. However she hears me and scoffs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She says with an eyebrow raised.

"You don't care! I've been pregnant for almost 4 months now and you haven't scheduled a sonogram, birthing classes, doctor's appointments,. All because you're out canoodling with your rich friends drinking booze and screwing young guys while your daughter is at home. Alone." I say. My mother seems to be getting more outraged with every word I spit at her

"Ha! You think you know alone, kid? The same thing happened to me. My parents didn't want anything to do with me. They paid me to stay in the house everyday for 9 months while I was pregnant with you. They were too embarrassed to care about me or you. And when you were born... ," She pauses, scoffs, rolls her now moist eyes and blinks. " they didn't even show up. I went through labor _alone_. And they sent me a 'Get Well Soon' card. I _know_ alone." This statement alone angers me to no end. How _dare_ she. She's repeating old habits of her parents.

"_Then why would you do it to me!?" _I scream. " You are such a fucking hypocrite you know that? You think I need to learn tough love? You think I need to learn a goddamn _lesson_? Well, guess what? There's nothing you can teach me that I don't already know. I learned my damn lesson when I got pregnant. So whats your real excuse? Why are you such a terrible mother?" I snark. My mother looks away. Not necessarily hurt by my words. But instead shielding herself from the truth.

"Because I ruined you! I know I did. With all this sleeping around and clubbing and partying and a father? You never had a father. But he abandoned us. He knew, and he left me. Told me that it wasn't his baby even though he was my first. If not for me none of this would have ever happened..." She trails off as she sits down next to me.

"That wouldn'tve changed anything. I still would've went to that party, got drunk, had sex, and gotten pregnant. It all still would've happened. You can't blame yourself for that. Because I take full responsibility."

"That's the thing. You're seventeen. You shouldn't have to."

"I'm seventeen and _pregnant_. Yes, I do ha-"

"Kim! There you are!" Julie barges in the door. I stutter. She looks over her shoulder.

"She's here guys!"

_Damn. They found me. _They crowd in to the living room and form a semi-circle around me. They begin to bombard me with questions.

"Did he drug you?"

"Are you okay?"

"How did your legs just suddenly work?"

"Kim are you really pregnant?"

"ENOUGH. Goddammit." I sigh. Everyone is taken aback. My mother doesn't even try to reprimand me on my vulgar word choice .

"Kim, we were just-" Julie starts.

"Just _what?_ Bothering me? Goal accomplished." I snap.

"I know you're irritable because of the preg-"

"Don't say it."

Silence. Jack clears his throat and walks over to the TV. He clicks it on and turn to channel 6. The news. He turns back to me, his body shielding the TV.

"You seen this?" He asks. I shake my head as he retreats to the couch. On the screen is Mr. Sachar being put into handcuffs and escorted into a police car. Behind the car are the _POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS _yellow tape and a certain face stands out. I snatch the remote from Jack and turn up the volume.

"It was on this fateful night that Kim Crawford, A high-schooler from Seaford High, dropped by Sachar's office to discuss ' technicalities' with her case. We don't know the gritty details now , but there's seems to have been an altercation between the teenager and the lawyer in which he attacked her. She fled the scene and now resides in her home awaiting a call from the police. " The news correspondent says. But I'm focused on the familiar face behind the yellow

_Is that-_

Someone bursts through the door.

_Ryder._

"How could you do that?! How could you lie on my dad like that?!" Ryder screams from the doorway. I look down and shake my head.

"What did he tell you?" I ask.

"He said you came onto him and that he pushed you off of him. And then you started hitting him and then ran out! I trusted you! My dad is going to jail because of you!"

I try to remain calm.

"That's not what happened. Not even a little." I sigh. My aloofness only makes him angrier he storms over to me and grabs my shoulders.

"Then what happened, huh?! What in the fuck happened?!" He shakes me violently.

"Get your hands off of her!" Jack says. Ryder looks up and laughs .

"You Jack?" Ryder asks.

"Are you the father of her baby?" Jack spits back. I internally groan. _Shit. _Ryder looks at me and back to Jack. "Are you the dick that abandoned, Kim!?" Jack screams coming a bit closer to Ryder. Julie and Milton move out of the line of fire. I stand up. Ryder looks at me and Jack in confusion.

"Jack. Stop."

"No, Kim! I'm not gonna stop until this guy steps up and takes responsibility for his kid!" Jack grabs Ryder's collar who is so confused he doesn't even fight back.

"Its not his kid! Its yours!" I yell. The room silences. Jack lets go of Ryder and looks at me. A thousand things seem to cross his mind all at once. He's remembering that night and I can tell that he's putting the pieces together.

"Kim, I-"

"Please, all of you, leave me alone. I need to be alone." I run up to my room and lock the door. Once there I lean against my door ans slip slowly to my carpeted floor and begin to cry. Someone knocks on the door.

"Kim! Kim please! We need to talk!"

"Leave me alone!" I choke between sobs." Just leave me alone..." I break off.

"Kim!"

"Go home, Jack! I don't want to talk to you or Ryder or Mom or Eddie or Milton or Julie or Mika or Jerry. I want to be alone! Why won't you let me be alone? I don't want to talk." I say through the door. The pounding stops.

"Then I'm going to stay here until you do." He says finally. I feel him slide along the other side of the door with a thud.

"Fine."

"Fine."

…

I have to pee.

I've had to pee all night.

Which is supremely unfortunate, considering the fact I can hear Jack's breathing against my mahogany door. Instead of stepping back and thinking of a rational plan, I do the first thing that pops into my mind: run. By the time Jack's head has hit the floor that used to be covered by my bedroom door, I'm in the bathroom, door locked tight. Good plan, Kimmy, I think to myself. Good plan.

I'll spare you the awkward details of my 15-minute peeing session and 10 minute shower. You're welcome. But Jack's awake now. And I don't have anywhere else to hide. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm usually not the cussing type, but, JESUS CHRIST, this was kind of a big thing for me to deal with right now.

I check the time in an attempt to occupy my mind. It reads 11:30. I almost slept till noon and no one bothered to wake me up. If this was one of the benefits of pregnancy, then maybe my life didn't suck that bad. Wait...11:30?! My mind goes frantic as I pull on the clothes I can find in the bathroom; an oversized t-shirt with some stupid inspirational quotes and junk, and a pair of leggings. Appropriate outfit for a pregnant girl? I would think so.

A week or so ago, I had promised Jerry I would be there for him when the immigration officer came to the prison and interviewed him and Mika. Which is supposed to happen at 12:00. The prison is halfway across town.

Despite the fact that I was going through a tiny little life-altering crisis, I had still made a promise. And I never, ever break my promises; especially not the ones I make to my friends. There is only one option, with Jack outside the bathroom door, threatening to break it down. "You sure do know how to treat 'em, Jackie!" I yell, hoping to stall.

"Kim, please! I really think-"

"Oh, God, don't do that. Nothing good ever comes from that." I reply.

But back to the only option: the window. I, a pregnant young woman, was about to fling myself out of a 2nd floor bathroom window to avoid my baby daddy.

And they called me boring in kindergarten.

I slowly climb out the propped open window, latching my foot onto the latter of vines clinging to our old house. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God—save me. Just a couple more inches...

And I'm off the ladder, praying to gods I'm not even sure exist. I mean, for some reason, I doubt the goddess/god of "omg dear lawd do not let this bitch take me out" is real. Soon enough, my feet are on the ground and I'm running again.

I swear, that kid should have been born with Nike's on.

…

I barge through the large doors to the prison, breathless and sweaty. I let my vision adjust to the lobby of the jail. I storm over to the information desk manned by Bertha. We'd met the last time I was here. Sure she has a uni brow, lipstick on her teeth, breath that smells like death, chronic pizza-face, and an unfortunate muffin top; but under that aesthetically displeasing exterior there is a genuinely nice personality. She smiles at me.

"Hey, Kim! We still hanging out tomorrow?" She says as she checks me in. I scratch my head awkwardly.

"Look, _Bertha, _I've got a lot of stuff to take care of. I don't think we can hang tomorrow. But can you hurry up? I think Jack followed me here."

Her face drops however , she plasters a fake smile on. "Its cool. Maybe later."

_Great, you hurt an ugly girl's feelings. Why don't you go drown some puppies while you're at it?_

"Kim!"

I oscillate at the sound of my name. In the doorway stands Jack making his way over to me. I turn quickly to Bertha, tapping the desk to make her hurry. She sees him too, and fumbles with the pass. It falls to the ground. How badly I want to loom over the desk and grab for it myself and be on my way. By the time Bertha has retrieved it, Jack has made his way over to me.

"Hello, _Kim_." Jack says with an almost smirk. I roll my eyes so far into the back of my head I could see my brain. (Okay so that's not anatomically correct , but whatever. You get the point.) Jack sets his helmet on the desk. He looks at Bertha who is drooling at him.

"Hey,Bertha." Jack smiles falsely and winks.

Bertha seems to go inward as she smiles awkwardly. Add another eye roll here. " Hi, J-Jack."

Jack laughs as if she'd just said the funniest thing on earth. " Nice to see you, again. You wouldn't mind giving Kim and I a little time alone, would you?"

I shake my head vigorously at her. _No, Bertha. Don't do this, Bertha._ But all she sees is Jack.

Bertha's eyes soften and she sighs. " Yeah, sure. Whatever you want." And with that she leaves. Jack watches her walk into the employees lounge before he turns to me. Charming smile now gone.

"We need to talk."

"No we don't."

"Yes we do."

"Grow up, Jack."

"You first." He snaps quickly. I frown at this. "I've been trying to talk to you since last night and what have you been doing? Jumping out of windows and speeding on your motorcycle! You're being childish, not me. I'm trying to sort out this situation and you don't want to sit down for one moment and talk about it." He says almost as if he was talking to an annoying child or dog or something.

"No! You had your chance to talk at the hospital." I retort. He seems very confused.

"What are you talking about?" He says, genuinely baffled.

"At the hospital," my voice begins to break. " You asked me who the father is. And I couldn't believe you. How many guys do you think I've slept with, huh?"

He is at a loss.

"It was you and only you. The fact that you came in there and hadn't figured it out is one thing, but almost an entire month went by! You never called or texted me-"

"How can you resent me for something that I didn't even know? Huh? I didn't know how many guys you'd slept with. I didn't do the math and I'm sorry! But you can't blame me. You had a hundred chances to tell me! And somehow its my fault?!"

"Yes it is! You're my best friend. If I had slept with somebody you'd have known! We tell each other everything! That wasn't a red flag to you!? That I hadn't talked to you in weeks about any guy but Ryder, and even then our relationship is entirely platonic!? You're fucking dull , you know that?"

Jack looks truly hurt at my choice of words. He squeezes his eyebrows. _Shit, I really crossed the line._

"I'm dull? Really? I didn't get pregnant. You did."

_Oh, look. Now we both crossed the line._

We glare at each other for what seems like hours.

"Uh, Kim? Kim Crawford?" A security officer sticks his head through the door to the main meeting room. I break my glare from Jack and to the man in the door. He registers that I am in fact Kim Crawford and begins to speak:

"Uh, Mika won't talk to the Interviewer unless you're in there. " He says. I quickly wipe the sweat off my forehead. And bump past Jack to the door.

"Real mature, Kim!" he calls after me.

"You would know!" I I throw over my shoulder

…

They put Mika and Jerry in two separate rooms. I stayed with Mika and Jack stayed with Jerry. The questions started out easy, things that even I know like:

The questions started out easy. Simple thing that even I knew such as:

"_What is your partner's full name and address?"_

"_What is your partners date of birth?"_

"_When and Where did you meet Jerry?"_

"_Describe in detail your first meeting with Jerry Martinez."_

Then they became much more difficult:

"_Does Jerry have any pets? If so what are their names genders and ages?"_

"_How does Jerry organize his room? Where does he keep his clothes? How clean is it?"_

"_Which side of the bed does Jerry sleep on?"_

"_Where does he work? How much does he get paid? What are his hours?"_

But Mika seemed to breeze through these questions with flying colors. Throughout all of this all I could think about was Jack. I shouldn't have said what I said. And he's right, I no right to be angry with him. He didn't know because _I _didn't tell him. Not because he's ….stupid. But why did he get so offended.

"Alright, Mika. After the way you just performed I'm pretty sure that these questions will be a piece of cake." The interviewer says. She hadn't even told us her name. Protocol or something. So onward we went.

"Have you and Jerry consummated?"

Mika stutters. The interviewer looks up at her with a puzzled look then marks something on her paper.

"Does Jerry have any children?"

Some more stuttering. Another note taken.

"When did you and Jerry first have intercourse?"

"How many times after that?"

I stare at Mika's back, utterly confused. Does she realize what could happen if she failed this thing? When the interview is over the Interviewer pulls me aside.

"Look, I'll try my best to do something to help. Its obvious that she loves Jerry very much. But those last few questions...What happened?"

I shake my head at the stressful situation and glance over at Mika, now in citizen's attire waiting patiently for me.

"I honestly have no idea." I sigh.

"Well, until I can get back to you guys on whether its approved, go on with the wedding plans. " She glances over to Mika and back to me. "I'll do my best. Girls like Mika, they don't come along too often."

I smile at this. The interviewer shakes my hand and then leaves on her merry way. I walk over to Mika. She smiles sweetly as if the altercation we'd had last month hadn't even happened. I decide to smile back. No use crying over spilled milk.

"Jerry and Jack aren't out yet?" I ask her.

She shakes her head and looks at the meeting room that Jerry is in expectantly, biting her lip and twiddling her fingers. Almost as if on cue Jerry emerges and Jack right after him. We share awkward glances. Mika and Jerry, however waste no time, bounding into each other's arms in slow motion. They peppered each other with kisses. Jack and I stood shoulder to shoulder not saying a word. He's still angry with me. I can feel it. As we make our way to the parking lot I wave to Mika and Jerry who don't seem to notice as they are currently hardcore making out. I groan as I walk up to my motorcycle, grabbing my helmet. Someone grabs my arm I snatch my forearm and whip around.

"Hey what's the big-"

_Jack._

He takes my helmet and puts it down on the handlebar.

"No." He says simply. I furrow my brow.

"No, what?"

"No, you're not riding that motorcycle. Not for 5 months." He says sternly. His face hard and wrinkled. He seems serious.

"Oh, yeah? You're not my dad, don't tell me what to do." I retort trying to snatch back my helmet. Jack extends his arm length so I can't reach it.

"You're right, I'm not your dad. But am _his_ dad. Now get in the van." He says pointing to my mom's minivan. I huff some air out of my nose before I bump past Jack and walk over to the car. I see that its already unlocked so I ease into the passenger's seat. Jack gets into the driver's seat and screeches his way out of the parking lot.

"What about my bike?"

"We'll get it tomorrow."

He looks forward at the road, with the sun blaring into his almond orbs. His body doesn't move or twitch. Not even once. Why did I agree to get into this Minivan of Awkward Silence..? Jack drives on, past my house, past his house, to a ramshackle RV in the middle of a deserted trailer park. He stops the car, but doesn't get out, or look at the house.

"Jack, why are we here...?" I ask rolling up my window to keep out a swarm of gnats.

"I used to live here. With my dad."

I pause. Jack never talks about his father. Never ever. Jack continues. Dryly he says:

"He was a professor, you know the one's that work a t colleges and stuff? But then my mom left him, and he just fell apart. Lost his job, and drank beer all day. And I would come home to _this,_" He pauses and glances at the RV but retracts his vision as if the memories hurt. His eyes water. " this _shithole._ Every goddamn day. I would bring home my homework and at first my dad helped me. Because I just could not get the hang of math. The number got all switched around in my brain. When he started drinking he still helped, but he got frustrated so easily with me. And then he would get violent-"

"Jack, Jack please. _Stop._"

But he doesn't hear me pleading with him, begging him to stop hurting himself.

"Well, at first it was the wall. I had to fill in that same hole every single day for weeks. Then it was the table. Then he started throwing dishes. And then one day, after months, he got fed up. He ransacked the house until he found a belt. And he hit me. Over and over and over-"

"Jack, _please."_

"It hurt so bad, Kim. Have you ever felt like your skin was on fire? Have you ever rather died than go on living? And you know what the worst part was? The entire time he would shout "YOU'RE FUCKING DULL, YOU KNOW THAT?!" And then the next day he would buy me ice cream and act like nothing had happened." He began to weep. Hand gripping the steering wheel for dear life.

"It went on like this for years. Until I was about 10. Then social services stepped in and set me up with a nice lady named . It wasn't long before Mom adopted me. After that they realized what I have is called dyscalculia. Its like dyslexia but with numbers. I haven't seen my dad in 7 and a half years. You're the first person I've ever told this too."

"Jack... I'm so sorry-"

"And you know what? That's not gonna happen to my kid. I want my kid to have a dad. A real _biological_ dad." He starts crying again, hunching over the wheel .

I unbuckle my seat belt and climb onto his lap sideways. His arms wrap around me and he sobs into my chest.

"We'll raise this baby, Jack. Together. No matter what."

_Together._


	11. Family

"Jack, I'm just saying maybe we should consider adoption!"

"I'm not considering the idea of handing over my child to be raised by a man who isn't me!"

I roll my eyes "You are so selfish. He may be your kid but he's mine too. And I only want what's best for him. Which may not be us. I mean think about it. We don't have any money so we wouldn't be able to afford insurance. And our kid would have to explain to all their friends why Mommy and Daddy had a kid but still aren't married. "

Jack lets this sink in. He shakes his head. " I guess I just thought, I don't know, if we just tried really hard to work together, then it wouldn't be hard..."

There's a pause in the conversation as I sit up on his bed. He's across the room in a chair.

"And you don't think, there's any possibility of us raising this baby _together_?"

"Um, obviously I do, I think we need to think about our-"

"No, Kim. You and me. Together."

I look up at him to see if he is sincere and based on the seriousness of his face and furrowing of his brow I gather he is very serious. I deflect his determined glare.

"I honestly don't know. We dated once. If our relationship got there again, I'm not gonna stop it. But I'm also not gonna forge some relationship with you now just because of the baby. If it happens. It happens, I guess."  
He puts his elbows on his knees. "I guess so, too."

…

"So, how are things with Jack? You guys .._sort _some _things_. If you know what I mean." Julie says twitching her eyebrows like a creeper. I sigh and throw another finished invitation onto the pile.

"No. I don't know what you mean. But we're trying. We're considering adoption." I say as I pick up another blank invitation card. Julie stops threading the ribbon through the slot at the top of the wedding invite and looks at me, meaningfully. I look away.

"Don't do that to me, Julie. You know I don't want to. And having to watch go through this is heartbreaking, but whats best for him?" I look at my stomach. Julie's lips tighten in disagreement.

"Don't you think his parents are whats best for him?" She argues. " His _real _parents?"

"Look, Julie. I'm sure you think you understand. If our roles were reversed right now I probably would've the same thing. But its different when its actually happening to you. This baby is a part of me. I know him better than anybody ever will. So I'd like to believe that I know whats best for him. And I don't think that's me and Jack."

Julie scratches her eyebrow. "I get it, Kim. I do. But if you give him away, the likelihood of a couple who's okay with an open adoption is slim. And then say you find a couple willing to do it. That child won't know you. To him you aren't mommy, _she _is. He will hardly know you. And imagine the stress of being of child with two different families. And then say its a closed adoption. You will not be able to legally have any right in his life. Ever. He might look for you when he's 18. He might not. Think about that, Kim. But if and Jack raised him. Or her. They would know where they came from, who their _real _family is. By complying to adoption you are literally changing your child's identity, an once the choice is made, you can't go back. Please, Kim, reconsider." Julie pleads with me. I throw the invitation I'd been working on on to the floor.

"I can't do this right now, Julie. I can't!" I shout. Julie starts to say something but falters and finally decides against it. I turn to go to the door, Julie's back is to me.

"You say you're doing it for your child. But I think you're doing it for you. You think once the kid is gone you can go back to the way things were. But, Kim," she turns around to face me. But I don't turn around to face her. "Nothing will ever be the same."

I slam the door behind me.

…

"You and Julie completed the creation of wedding invitations, yes?" Mika asks leaning back in her chair. Rubbing her stomach. I realize that we are both starting to show. Like, a lot.

I nod. "Yeah. Well, _she_ did. I kind of left early."

Mika raises an eyebrow. "So you and Jack are still in attendance for the meeting with potential adoptive parents?"

I nod again.

"So you are still sure in your decision. Even after what Julie spoke with you about?"She says balling up her burger's wrapping paper.

"Julie doesn't get it. You do. Right, Mika?" I ask searching her face for any sign that she is on my side. But her face is indifferent. She's trying to judge and mediate the situation.

"Kim, I understand. Believe me. But you must also understand that that is your child. I understand that you feel that you are doing whats best for our baby. But even to me, your motive seems selfish. Yes, I'm sure you love your child, as I do mine, but you also wish this had never happened to you."

"Don't you ever feel that way?"I pry.

Mika sighs inwardly. "I did. At first. I knew that my life would never be the same, and at first I was angry. At you, at Jerry, at Lindsay. But then I realized that I could only blame myself. And I came to accept the fact that my life is never going to be the same, because I know that even though it will be hard, I am still bringing a miracle into this world. And that is well worth the pain."

"Yeah, I guess so." I say passively. I look down at my stomach, thinking about the human that's growing inside me, and I can't help but want to cry. I'm hardly seventeen and am now responsible for another human's life. That is, if I keep the baby. They don't get it. Who wants to raise a baby at seventeen with their best friend? Um, not me, not any logical person. So what if I want my life to go back to normal, is that _so _bad? But I promised Jack we'd raise this baby, but I said that during a delicate moment to make him feel better. So does it really count?

…

"Hello, you're Kimberly, right?" A man says as I swing open the front door. I smile. He's very dapper, with a bow tie vest and white collar button up and gray suit slacks. His dark, chocolate colored skin seems to glow.

"Um, yes. Well, Kim, actually. Nice to meet you, Michael."

He smiles and turns around.

"Donald, we got the right address! Come on!" The man calls to the other man in the car. A white man emerges in almost opposite the attire of his partner with ill-fitting cargo pants, a sweatshirt, and Chuck Taylors.

Please, come in." I gesture to the living room, where Jack is sitting on the couch, pouting. Both men sit on the loveseat kitty corner to the TV. I stand next to where Jack has slumped over his phone. I snatch it quickly.  
"Hey! What're you-"  
I shoot the scariest shit-your-pants glare I can muster. Jack quickly looks away in childish silence.  
"Would you like anything? A snack, water, Lemonade?" I ask, my voice dripping with false politeness.  
Donald raises his hand "Some iced water would be great. It's quite humid in here. " he comments. I laugh awkwardly. Not sure to be offended or _un_offended? Is that a word? But I walk into the kitchen, and retrieve some ice water from the fridge. I pour Donald a glass, and look up at Michael.

"You wouldn't like anything?" I say towards the man. He simply shakes his head.

"Actually I'd like some-" Jack starts. I cut him off with a raise of my eyebrow. "Nothing. I'd like some nothing..." He trails off, giving me the stink-eye. I waltz around the island and hand Donald his drink. He sips it a slowly and loudly as possible. I can practically hear every drop of water going down his throat.

"Alright," Micheal's voice begins thick. As it has the since the time he'd been here. "Let's get down to business. Was there any type of adoption you preferred?" I sit down next to Jack on the couch.

"Well, Jack wants an open adoption. But whatever you want is fine." I say folding my hands neatly in my lap. Michael and Donald give each other wary, sidelong glances before looking back at me.

"What?" Jack say forcibly, having picked up on their odd behavior.

Michael forces a smile, the fakest I've ever seen. You can tell in his eyes he doesn't mean it. "Well, you see, Kim, Donald and I...-"

"Don't want a bunch of irresponsible teenagers to be a part of _our _kid's life." Donald says, finishing his sentence for him. I had hoped that he was just a very blatant and blunt person, but, no. Donald is just plain rude. He puts his glass on the wooden coffee table, with _no coaster_. And Michael nods as if he actually agrees. Donald continues, "You've got to understand. If you two were irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex. And at such a young age. What makes you think you should be a part of that child's life. You'd only mess things up for him or her. You'd confuse him and he'd constantly wonder who his real family is, You," he says 'you' with such disgust I can hardly bear it. Jack is glaring at the man like he wants to kill him and seems to be sweating profusely. "or _Us._" Donald raises both eyebrows as if to say 'See my point?'

"Get the hell out."

The room pauses, Jack stands. With his back to me I see him clenching and unclenching his fist with such uncertainty, it scary. And every time he unclenches he is getting closer to punching Donald in the face. I stand behind him and grab his left hand and intertwine our fingers. He looks down at me, and his anger seems to fade the longer we keep eye contact. His grip on my hand loosens but I hold onto his hand for dear life. He looks back at me again this time he's smiling. Donald and Michael, however, are Still sitting.

"Did you hear me? I said _get out."_ Jack says, this time with more certainty. Jack sets his jaw, aggressively. Donald scoffs at us in disgust and mutters the word 'breeders' under his breath as he shuffles to the door. Michael turns swiftly.

"If you change your mind about adoption-"

"I won't. Thanks to that charmer of a boyfriend you got there. And also because I think that I, an irresponsible teenager, am going to raise my baby. With my fellow irresponsible teenagers."

Jack looks back at me as if to say 'Really?' I nod in reply. I look back at Michael. What a nice man, who got stuck with a shitty boyfriend.

Michael simply nods. And shakes his head at his boyfriend, before shutting the front door. Jack and I stand facing the door, holding hands, in silence. A thin, comfortable silence, that one could enjoy by themselves. That's how I feel around him, I feel comfortable enough that I could be by myself. Other than the baby, he's been every thought on my mind since the party. And my thoughts of him, rarely coincide with my thoughts of the baby. I think about his face, and how nice he is, and how much I wish I could be around without hating him just a little. I think about the way he glistens after workouts and how serious he is about martial arts. I think about the way he smiles, and the way he laughs. I think about the way he thinks and if he thinks about me as much as I do him. Jack looks over his shoulder at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I look up at him and nod so imperceptibly I'm not even sure I nodded. With that he tries to take his hand away, but I pull him back, this time facing me.

"I love you." I say quietly, my head bowed shyly. There's another silence, not as comfortable as the last, but bearable. Jack pulls his hand away, I look up, He looks away.

"No, you don't. You love that I stood up for you." he tries to walk away. I pull him back this time much closer. I can feel his breath on my face, a sweet spearmint. Our eyes meet.

"Yes, I love what you did for me but-"

"But nothing! You don't love me! Not like that. You can't." He says finally walking towards the door. I pull him back again. He stares everywhere but where I am.

"Jack," I cup his face his face in my hands, but he turns his head. I keep my hand around his face " Jack, baby, look at me." He does do, reluctantly. I look into his eyes.

"You are the only thing I think about. Its you. Its always been you. Your dad may have said he loved you and not meant it," Jack tries to pull away at the thought of his father. "But I love you. And I know you are going to be a great dad. I need you to trust me." I pause and search his face for any sign he's been listening but he remains with a stone cold expression.

"Jack," He looks at me when he hears the tone in my voice. Desperate for him, for his attention, for my love to be reciprocated. "I love you with my heart, and my soul. Do you trust me?"

Jack takes my hand and rests his forehead on mine, with his eyes closed.

"I trust you, Kim, I trust you." He kisses my forehead before, wrapping his arms around me. " And I love you too."

My body relaxes in relief, and I hold onto him even tighter, smelling ever fiber of his being. Taking it all in, so one day I don't forget the first time we told each other we love the other. The first time our friendship blossomed into something much, much better.

_A family._


End file.
